Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now!

My daughter's partner unfortunately broke his ankle last week and I looked after my grandson while my daughter took him to the hospital. When she called with an update my grandson listened avidly to the conversation. After I put the phone down he asked me, struggling to hold back the tears 'will my daddy be in a wheelchair? 'oh no, darling' I replied 'but he will need to use crutches for a few weeks'. At this point my grandson broke down in tears. 'He'll be OK. don't worry' I comforted, giving him a cuddle. 'I know' he sobbed, ' but...but...he won't be able to play football with meeeeee' Oh the selfishness of the very young

My grandson is usually beautifully behaved and is one of those children that you can confidently rely on not to have tantrums and embarrass you in public. However he was playing up a bit on a shopping trip this week - refusing to hold hands walking across the car park, swinging on rails etc and his mother said to him 'will you please listen to me? this behaviour isn't like you!' to which he replied 'I know. I've had enough of being good so I thought I'd be bad for a change'. I know exactly how he feels.

I have always worked hard and been very committed to any job I was in. I rarely take sick days unless I am really really sick and I start promptly and leave long after everyone else has gone home. I listen to advice, I offer ideas and am happy to take on tasks that are not strictly in my remit if what I am being asked to do is reasonable and will make a difference to the families I work with. If fact I try to follow the advice of Max Erhamm:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920

Sadly at the moment I feel I am more Morrissy than Ehrmann:



In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfkvPnjb9hs&feature=related

What I need to find is a combination of grace and aggression. Would that be kicking the idiots that are in charge in the eye with a smile on my face?

Watch this space.