RED!

Red Top

My grandparents were avid readers of the News of the World, as were my parents. My mum insisted it wasn't suitable reading for me and I can remember sneaking looks at the broadsheet, as it was then in the '70s, and being shocked (but secretly excited) by some of the stories it carried. The NOTW is not a newspaper I read but it had a nostalgic element for me as  when I saw it on the newsagents shelf's it brought back memories of my dear old grandad sitting in his armchair struggling with its huge pages.  I am saddened by its demise. Hacking-gate is a scandal that will no doubt run and run, as did the MP expense scandal last year, and more and more underhand practices will no doubt be uncovered. The move by Murdock to kill off the NOTW is a clever and cynical one. The Sunday Sun will be launched and the Murdock empire will hardly suffer yet blameless people will have lost their jobs because of the corrupt actions of some unscrupulous hacks. 

Red Head

I am puzzled - why is the editor of the NOTW not being made to resign? I am sure the NOTW was demanding Sharon Shoesmiths head on a plate after the death of Baby Peter. If Shoesmith had the ultimate responsibility for the actions of staff on her watch then why not the flame haired Rebekha Brooks? 

One thing that is clear - come the revolution it won't be on the streets. It will be waged on Twitter and Facebook.

I love a newspaper - even in these days of online 24 hour news. I hope they survive this.

Red Car

The car I am currently driving is a real attention grabber. Every time I return to where I've left it parked I have to peel men of the bonnet and answer a barrage of questions about it. Women and even children come up to tell me 'I love your car'. I have lost count of the number of friends and acquaintances who have told me 'I saw you driving along today/at the weekend, love the car.' Out driving today my daughter she commented 'this is embarrassing - everyone is looking at us' and my son is starting to refuse the offer of a lift.  Yesterday I was filling it with fuel (only the 3rd visit of a petrol garage in the several weeks I have had it) and I became aware of the man filling his car alongside me staring at it intently. He walked across the forecourt still staring hard at the car and I could see him continuing to stare at it as he queued to pay for his fuel. When I joined him in the queue he turned to me and said 'that's a beautiful car'. Instead of thanking him I said 'yes, isn't it'  and we both sighed and then continued to look out of the window admiring its gorgeousness. Now  if I was driving some high end German car, or a sleek sports car, or even a top of the range model, I could understand all this attention. But no, I am driving a new model of a very common car, albeit the model I'm driving is pretty rare on the road. What is grabbing all the attention is the car's colour. Imagine the brightest reddest red you can think of and then add a dash of orange and that may bring you close to the red of the car. The other day when I went back to it I found two men drooling over it. 'We were waiting to see what the driver of this car looked like'. They must have been very disappointed to see it was a middle aged, overweight woman. Apparently if you drive a red car it means you are sexy and adventurous. No wonder they had hung around. As I said it is a pretty unusual model but yesterday I found myself driving behind a brown one. Yes - brown. No doubt it is called 'Latte' of something but it is actually just...brown.  This attracted very little attention. At a roundabout no other driver paid it
the slightest bit of attention but all had a good look at mine. So definitely the colour. If you want masses of attention and for complete strangers to strike up conversations with you get yourself a cute red car. Or a dog.

Viva La France

My skin does not take kindly to being in a warm climate. This is a problem as the rest of me has decided that it would love to live somewhere a bit more warmer that England. Not a hot, steamy, sweltering or boiling hot part of the world. Most of Africa and places like Texas, Turkey and Tasmania are out of the question but a warm, sunny and bright climate with gentle breezes and seductive nights would be ideal. So you would think. But my awful skin finds even a moderate 25c unbearable. The blues skies, sunny days and siestas of the South of France are the stuff of my dreams but my skin literally behaves horribly in the sun. As does my hair which turns from relatively straight hair, behaving as I dictate, to a mass of curls. I never look like me in sunny places, especially if they have a soft water supply, so in order to avoid a pink, blotchy and fluffy haired reflection it seems I am destined to live my life in cloudy rainy England dreaming of a cultured, civilised and free existence living on the Med.

The apartment in Aix en Provence was stunning. Situated on the Rue Du Opera it was beautifully decorated with 3 large double bedrooms which meant we got a bedroom each, all en suite. The apartment had a gorgeous terrace overlooking the terracotta roofs of the surrounding buildings and the cathedral. Although the first morning was cloudy the rest of the week  was sunny from first til last and was perfect for breakfasts of croissants and bedtime drinks of chocolate.

Each morning one of us would shop for breakfast which we would eat while deciding where we would visit that day, Marseilles, St Tropez, Ventabren, Carry-le-Rouet or, my personal favourite, Cassis.

This was my second visit to this area of France and I noticed a few changes. Marseilles was still wonderful, St Tropez was still overrated but the exchange rate is very painful and the cost of everything was shocking (except the wine thank heavens!) I was saddened to find that the toll booths had  moved with the times and were now aautomated as I missed the 'Bonne Route' from the people who used to man them. Even gazole was expensive.

The trouble with my skin is that, unlike my travel companions, who were able to sit in the sun for hours, without much protection, I had to be creamed and covered and shaded. It is a shame that the burka has been banned in France because I would happily wear one if it meant that I would be spared prickly heat, hives, mosquito bites and sun burn. However I think that even if I was able to sit on a beach for hours I would be bored stiff, even with a good book, so I was happy to leave my sun worshipping friends and explore. The calanques of Cassis are stunning and well worth a visit.

There is also a satisfying feeling being able to negotiate tickets, timetables and itineraries on your own with very little French. There were surprisingly few English tourists around. The other visitors tended to be French, American, Canadian and German. As ever I had the urge to return, alone or with my grandson, to explore further the many beautiful places in this part of the world. To drive from Calais to Nice stopping off in little towns and villages along the way would be wonderful. Maybe one day. When the pound has recovered a little against the Euro.

Although the South of France is truly stunning I think England's coastline could certainly give it a run for its money. Combe Martin and Lynmouth in North Devon, Dartmouth in South Devon and the Juassic Coast of Dorset, Cornwall's St Ives, Newquay and Penzance are every bit as stunning as Nice and Cannes. And I rarely get hives in England. But what the South of France has is a J'Ne Se Qua that England lacks. It has a freedom, a 'devil may care' attitude that is refreshing to an oppressed Londoner. It has style. A quintessential essence that enchants. It is exotic and confusing. Sophisticated. And it is probably worth the itching that  a visit in the summer results in.

Young, Talented and Brunette

It is always splendid when you make an impulse purchase and it turns out that you haven't wasted your hard earned cash. 'Deleted Scenes From The Cutting Room Floor' was one such impulse buy. Normally I buy my CDs and DVDs from Amazon but last week I picked up a couple of CDs from ASDA and am very pleased I popped Caro Emerald's new CD into my basket. Definitely my sound of summer 2011.

Check out 'That Man'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFA6dEwWOb4&feature=relmfu

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caro_Emerald

I also bought 'Who Are You' by Jesse J. Another incredibly talented  young woman. Completely different to Caro but just as wonderful.

Nobodys Perfect -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZVYZTze74 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessie_J

Orgasm and Death

Scientists have certainly been busy recently.

This week two separate groups of scientists have unearthed the elusive female 'pathways to pleasure' which are located, not in her vagina, but firmly in her brain. Not just one pathway, oh no, so far they have located two. Pathway one leads to orgasm via masturbation and Pathway Two 'kicks in when a woman is being stimulated by a lover'. The American group of scientists tested women who masturbated and the scientists from the Netherlands 'observed women having sex with a partner (horrible job but someones got to do it...boom boom!) The European lot found evidence that suggests orgasm is 'achieved with a partner when a woman 'lets go' and reaches an 'altered state of consciousness'. Who'd have guessed eh?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1387451/New-study-shows-women-pathways-sexual-pleasure.html

Would you take a test to find out how long you have left to live? Spanish scientists claim to have developed a test that can predict your life expectancy. It is all something to do with your telomeres and whether you have got long or shorts ones. Apparently having short ones mean  that you have a short life span, and - here is where the argument is flawed - they are not sure if having long ones means you will live longer. The test can't predict how many years or months you have left to live (another serious flaw in a life expectancy test me thinks) but it can tell your 'biological age' and no doubt insurance companies are just going to love it.

I just did a 'fun' online 'life expectancy test' and got these results:


Life Expectancy: 76.73

Lower Quartile : 68.60

Median Lifetime: 78.50

Upper Quartile : 85.81


I can live with that.

Lead the Way Tim

At the moment I am reading Bill Bryson's 'Note From a Big Country' which is really just a series of Blogs about the USA made into a book. Technically they are articles Bryson wrote for the 'Mail on Sunday' supplement in the '90's but they remind me of a Blog.  Bryson writes about the nonsensical, the quirky, the funny and the serious side of American life. He rants about bureaucracy, he examines the peculiarities of language and he talks about his home land with both affection and frustration. He gives the reader glimpses of his family life and comes across as a very nice, clever guy who sometimes thinks too much. And sometimes has too much time on his hands. Which is good for us readers because his idle thoughts sometimes become investigations into the whys and the hows that result in his many wonderful books.

Taking of idle thoughts is it OK to spend the whole day at home doing nothing? There has been a succession of bank holidays recently in which I did very little, other than celebrate the Royal Wedding at a friends 'wedding breakfast party' where we drank Bucks Fizz and ate Danish Pastries and oohed and ahhed over the dress and then, on following the Bank Holiday Monday, I spent the day on the Wey & Arun Canal. http://www.weyandarun.co.uk/hist1.php. I ask because I seem to have spent a lot of days at home recently shamefully doing nothing. Beautiful sunny days and I have steadfastly remained cocooned in my flat reading, listening to music, watching TV, spending time with my family and basically vegging out. Puts me in mind of the 'Lazy Song' if I was a teenage boy! Check out the impossibly cute Bruno Mars and this amusing little song -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0

While it is acceptable to have lazy days when you are young isn't it just a waste of time as you get older? I get cross with myself if I stay in bed too long at the weekend preferring to be up and about early and I begrudge the lost hours when I fall asleep at 9pm after a hard day at work. So the fact that I wasted a succession of sunny days makes me feel guilty. They may have been our summer!

Oh I forgot my eBay travels! I now know Essex like the back of my hand. Well Romford anyway. Ream! I take back everything I ever said about Sat Nav. What would I do without Tim, the kindly,
calm, authoritative yet slightly sexy male voice that never steers me wrong - not if I listen to him that is. He found all the places I have visited over the past few weeks and now I will have to relent and actually buy one as I really need to give this one back to its rightful owner. I will of course buy one from Ebay. And will insist it has a Tim. I was right about one thing though, I have lost my own internal navigation system - it was so fragile anyway that Tim has destroyed it with ease and now I can't find my way without him.

Back to the Wey & Arun Canal. I would never have found it if it wasn't for Tim. There is definitely something about being near water that makes me feel peaceful. As a child I always got so excited by my first glimpse of the sea when I went on holiday with my grandparents. As an adult,
taking my children to Cornwall for the first time, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of a truly bright blue sea in Newquay and then Looe, the sight of the sea meeting a lake will stay with me always. Lakes, rivers, canals all make me feel content. I wonder if that has anything to do with being born in a hospital situated on the side of the Thames and growing up a stones throw from its banks. The exception to this is the unease I feel whenever I see those streets up north, the ones with rows of small two up two down terraced houses and, at the end of the grim street is a grim river or sea. Whenever  I see these streets on the television (Liverpool springs to mind although when I went there the Mersey looked wonderful) I feel depressed. So much so that I have been unable to watch any more of the new detective series 'Vera' starring Brenda Blethyn. Set in Northumberland it is utterly depressing with ugly bleak scenery and an ugly bleak sea. It looks bloody awful up there and is obviously somewhere I will never ask Tim to take me. Getting back to beautiful water ways it is such a shame that some canals were abandoned, unfinished and filled in. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Surrey_Canal. I had to park near the timber yard that was the beginning of the Grand Surrey Canal the other day and walk along the filled in canal which is now a walkway and cycle path. Strangely it retains the peace of a canal, even in a busy part of the city and is well used by commuters on their way to work.

eBay is a wonderful thing if you are looking for a bargain or have something to sell. That is if you are a private buyer/seller and are using it on a casual basis. Of course if you are selling or buying high value items there is a risk of being scammed but on the whole it seems to be a pretty good site. However it has grown at such a rate and is now big business and as such is subject to all sorts of rules and regulations such as Distance Selling Regulations and sellers are now ruthlessly monitored and judged. Of course a lot of what is going on is designed to route out the cowboys and scammers and ensure that the buyer can purchase with confidence but the pendulum seems to have swung too far the other way and sellers are being scrutinised to the nth degree. The sellers have something called Seller Performance which determines whether or not they can continue to sell and it doesn't seem to take much to make their SP enter the danger zone, just a couple of low ratings. Take a look at the Seller Central forum page on eBay to get an idea of the problems sellers face.

I may have been lucky as my experience so far has been painless and I always leave sellers positive feedback with high star ratings. If there ever was a problem I like to think that I would contact seller first before I would ever consider leaving negative feedback or scoring them low. Having read a few of these threads, the buyer is always right and sellers will bend over backwards to protect their SP ratings. So much so there are some unscrupulous buyers out there taking advantage of the situation. However if I buy a Sat Nav on eBay that sends me round and round in circles I may however feel differently!

Brave Face

Putting on a brave face is something of a speciality of mine. I suppose I began wearing it as a child because I wanted to be like my friends, the ones who were loved by their parents and living relatively carefree life's. I continued to wear it into my teens, when at school or at work, I would present myself as happy and content and no one would have dreamt that I went home at the end of the day to be greeted by a very angry unhappy woman who had found herself a single parent (at a time when these were a rarity) and living on the poverty line. I wore a brave face for most of the abusive relationship I had with my husband and the only person who knew I was wearing a mask was my sister. Friends, family, work mates, neighbours all remained unaware that my real face was one of despair. Even when I was diagnosed with cancer I wore my brave face and never shed a single tear, not one. Even now my brave face is the one everyone sees, no matter how unhappy or hurt I am. This is a good thing isn't it? Or is wearing this mask doing untold damage to my physical and spiritual health.

I saw someone having their aura cleansed last week and wondered just how dirty mine was and if the 'therapist' would need an industrial clearer t
o sort my aura out? We had wandered into an 'event' in a local hall. Cupcakes, designer lampshades (which were bog standard lampshades with fake flowers and disheveled barbie dolls stuck to them) and hand made cards. You know the sort of thing. Over in a corner was a woman wearing a white coat (al la dental nurse) and she was cleansing some other woman's aura. In public. I don't know about you but if you where having your aura cleansed wouldn't you rather it was done in private? Or at least behind a screen? The therapist was grabbing invisible muck out of the invisible aura and tossing it in the air. Where I imagine it floated into someone else's aura. I took a step or two back as the last thing I need is someone else's aura muck attaching itself to my aura muck and dirtying my aura even more, or worse, merging with my aura muck and mutating into a supermuck that is harder to remove and cements my brave face in place permanently.

So I thought I would check out the possibly of aura contamination and it is, apparently a very real risk!http://www.psychic-junkie.com/aura-cleansing.html.
When I demonstrated it to a friend she said she felt a 'pull'. Yuk.
Putting on a brave face is so much more that arranging your facial features to hide whatever turmoil you feel inside. It is about making sure that all the stuff that leaks into your aura doesn't contaminate anyone elses. Possible side effects? The inability to cry and being dead inside. But at least no one will know how you really feel.

despairing words -

Listen -

"If I Had..."


Life.. by Marshall Mathers


What is life?


Life is like a big obstacle


put in front of your optical to slow you down


And everytime you think you gotten past it


it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground


What are friends?


Friends are people that you think are your friends


But they really your enemies, with secret indentities


and disguises, to hide they true colors


So just when you think you close enough to be brothers


they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin


What is money?


Money is what makes a man act funny


Money is the root of all evil


Money'll make them same friends come back around


swearing that they was always down


What is life?


I'm tired of life


I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins


I'm tired of committing so many sins


Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins


Tired of never having any ends


Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins


I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins


Tired of not having a deal


Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel


Tired of drowning in my sorrow


Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo


I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off


I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour


then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off


I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough


Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk


for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk


I'm tired of using plastic silverware


Tired of working in Building Square


Tired of not being a millionaire


But if I had a million dollars


I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics


If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick


without a condom on, while I'm on the john


If I had a million bucks


it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out


robbing armored trucks


If I had one wish


I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor


Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store


I'm tired of not having a phone


Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on


Tired of not driving a BM


Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him


Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM


Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum


Tired of not being on tour


Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work


in the back of a Contour


I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones


Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns


Tired of being stared at


I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat


Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz


Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs


Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me


saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"


I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs


Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"






If I had one wish


I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss


You know what I'm saying?


I'm tired of all of this bullshit


Telling me to be positive


How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?


Know what I'm sayin?


I rap about shit around me, shit I see


Know what I'm sayin? Right now I'm tired of everything


Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city


Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?


But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?


Just fed up


That's my word




"Rock Bottom"





A-yo!


This song is dedicated to all the happy people


All the happy people who have real nice lives


And who have no idea whats it like to be broke as fuck

I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net


I'm popping percocets, I'm a nervous wreck


I deserve respect; but I work a sweat for this worthless check


Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt


Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged


Full of venom and rage


Especially when I'm engaged


And my daughter's down to her last diaper


That's got my ass hyper


I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer


Watching ballers while they flossing in their pathfinders


These overnight stars becoming autograph signers


We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us


Along with the small fry's and average half pinters


While player haters turn bitch like they have vaginas


Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us


Money will brainwash you and leave your ass mindless


Snakes slither in the grass spineless

That's Rock Bottom


When this life makes you mad enough to kill


That's Rock Bottom


When you want something bad enough to steal


That's Rock Bottom


When you feel you have had it up to here


Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear 


My life is full of empty promises


And broken dreams


I'm hoping things will look up


But there ain't no job openings


I feel discouraged hungry and malnourished


Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished


And I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay


And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day


But fuck it, if you know the rules to the game play


Cause when we die we know were all going the same way


It's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan


When all you need is bucks to be the man


Plus a luxury sedan


Too comfortable and roomy in a six


They threw me in the mix


With all these gloomy lunatics


Walk around depressed


And smoke a pound of ses a day


And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today


My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play


Live half my life and throw the rest away

There's people that love me and people that hate me


But it's the evil that made me this backstabbing, deceitful, and shady


I want the money, the women, the fortune, and the fame


That Means I'll end up burning in hell scorching in flames


That means I'm stealing your checkbook and forging your name


Lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain


Right now I feel like just hit the rock bottom


I got problems now everybody on my blocks got 'em


I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em


Holding two glocks, I hope your doors got new locks on 'em


My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or sock's on 'em


And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em


And while you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them


I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em?


Cause I never went gold of one song


I'm running up on someone's lawns with guns drawn

Eminem was one very angry young man whose talent has given him the chance to escape from a life of cash and opportunity poverty. He took what he saw happening in his neighbourhood and used words and music to paint graphic images of a dark and terrible world. One that still exists in places like Detroit and London and too many children and young people are living in the sort of world he escaped from. And too many children and young people are dying violent deaths.

We need to listen.