Blogging, Mojo, Finding your voice and Forgiveness

Blogging is quite addictive. Trying to find your voice, playing around with words, expressing the thoughts that pop into your head is intoxicating. I think I've found my Mojo.

This afternoon I had to make a phone call to someone I haven't spoken to for 10 years. 10 years, an eternity and a blink of the eye. It is both these things, and more. In the last ten years my life has changed beyond all recognition. Where I live, how I live, who I live with with, what I do, what I read and where I go...all totally different from how it was in the Millennium year.

In that 10 years I married, got a degree, moved three times, fell out of love, fell into love...twice, changed my career, my way of thinking and much of my behaviour. In 2000 I closed my eyes for a moment and opened them a decade later to find I had a new voice and a new way of making it heard. And, today I listened to a voice that had aged a lifetime in a mere 10 years and that I only recognised in the pauses between the words.

I don't for one minute imagine that anyone is interested in my voice (blog) and I think I might just be writing for me at the moment. But my hope is that someone may stumble across it and pause for thought, maybe smile and move on. But ultimately I hope that my children and grandchildren one day open it up and get to know me on a different level. Although I shared one recent blog with my daughter the other day and she didn't seem very impressed. Just looked at me a bit indulgently and seemed slightly puzzled. I think she was thinking a blog would be more 'diary' like and not the series of rambling that it is. Maybe some 'diary' like entries will creep in (this is, I suppose, a diary like entry) but I am hoping that the reason she doesn't 'get' my blog is because I am still around and as she is young it seems all meaningless and irrelevant and that once I am dead and gone and she is in her 50s, 60, and 70s she will enjoy hearing my voice again. They seem to be the ages that children finally want to hear what their parents have to say.

'It's been ten years' he said in a slightly accusatory tone. When I suggested the next time he is in town we could meet up he said 'I may not be here for that long' and in the silence that followed it all made sense. Why he wanted to speak to me so badly, why he was getting all, as my mum says 'emotional'. He wants to say goodbye before it's too late. To late for what? To ask for my forgiveness or to hear me ask for his?

Mindfulness of Breathing Meditation....Put attention on the breath:


Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you've done wrong . Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease.

Think of your parents. Forgive them for anything you have ever blamed them for. Understand that they too are different now. Let this forgiveness fill them, surround them, knowing in your heart that this is your most wonderful way of togetherness.

Think of your nearest and dearest people . Forgive them for anything that you think they have done wrong or are doing wrong at this time. Fill them with your forgiveness. Let them feel that you accept them. Let that forgiveness fill them. Realizing that this is your expression of love.

Now think of your friends. Forgive them for anything you have disliked about them. Let your forgiveness reach out to them, so that they can be filled with it, embraced by it.

Think of the people you know, whoever they might be, and forgive them all for whatever it is that you have blamed them for, that you have judged them for, that you have disliked. Let your forgiveness fill their hearts, surround them, envelope them, be your expression of love for them.

Now think of any special person whom you really need to forgive. Towards whom you still have resentment, rejection, dislike. Forgive him or her fully. Remember that everyone has dukkha. Let this forgiveness come from your heart. Reach out to that person, complete and total.

Think of any one person, or any situation, or any group of people whom you are condemning, blaming, disliking. Forgive them, completely. Let your forgiveness be your expression of unconditional love. They may not do the right things. Human beings have dukkha. And your heart needs the forgiveness in order to have purity of love.

Have a look again and see whether there's anyone or anything, any where in the world, towards whom you have blame or condemnation. And forgive the people or the person, so that there is no separation your heart.

Now put your attention back on yourself. And recognize the goodness in you. The effort you are making. Feel the warmth and ease that comes from forgiveness."

May all beings have forgiveness in their hearts!

Guided meditation Ven Ayya Khema