An email popped into my inbox several weeks ago suggesting that I apply for a place on a weekend retreat being offered by the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University. After checking out the venue on their website, and being suitably impressed by the beautiful house, tranquil gardens and riverside location, I sent off an application form and a few days later I received confirmation I was allocated a place - so despite the retreat being for stressed, overworked social workers - they let me sneak in.
I then promptly forgot all about it and before I knew it the day arrived for me to pack my bag and drive up to Oxfordshire for a weekend of relaxation and silence…or so I thought.
A Journal 10/06/10 – 13/06/10
Thursday 10th June
Why oh why oh why?
What on earth has processed me apply for this? I remember the email arriving and then taking 5 minutes to fill in the application form and sending it straight off to the BKWSU and then forgetting all about it. I also remember feeling vaguely pleased to be accepted. Then nothing….until on Monday I realised this was the week. This was the week I was going off to a strange place, alone, knowing no one, cut off from my family, my friends, my lap top, my phone, the telly. I had further investigated the background of the BKWSU and although I was impressed that the founder, Baba, was a very successful business man who, on reaching the age of 60, retired and started a new life as a Spiritual Leader. Like you do. I was worried about some of his ideas, celibacy for instance, even between a married couple, and the fact that he had visions concerned me (visions are usually a bad sign) although they apparently stopped after a while. But he had championed women in a culture and society which kept women in the background and today, decades later, the organisation is still run mainly by women. I toyed with the idea of dropping out, but knowing it was over subscribed and being very keen to learn more about the theme of the weekend, ‘The Kindness Factor and Meditation’, I thought ‘what the hell, what’s the worse that could happen?’ So I’m going.
Friday 11th June
Om Shanti
The drive up here was surprisingly straightforward. The weather was fine and sunny and, apart from a suspected WW2 bomb being discovered on route (which turned out to be an innocent non exploding pipe) and several roads being closed until they discovered that fact, I arrived at around 6pm. The drive to the house from the village, along a narrow, winding county road was a long one. It seemed much longer than the mile the directions gave but I was pleased to catch a glimpse of a huge rabbit. I think it was a hare actually but how can you tell? If it was a hare it was the first I’ve ever seen. Finally arriving at the house I was warmly greeted and taken straight up to my room. The staircase leading up to my room was carpeted in a rich blue carpet, so deep it made your footsteps bounce. The staircase is known as a ‘flying staircase’ because it spirals its way up to the top of the house without any visible means of support. At the door of ‘my’ room it becomes apparent, by the shoes outside, that it isn’t to be ‘my’ room but ‘our’ room. Yes…I am sharing with 2 strangers, 1 of which is already sitting nervously on her bed. My ‘guide’ introduces us and, after putting down my bag my new roomie and I are taken down ‘Silent Reflection to slides and music’. What the fuck?
Pretty close up pictures of flowers and trees and grass. Background music. Help.
My new roomie is called V and it transpires she works for the same organisation as I do, although our paths have never crossed. V is about my age and she seems very nice. We have a lovely vegetarian meal, prepared with produce grown in the vegetable gardens and ‘lovingly prepared by our volunteers’. It certainly tasted as if it had been. After the meal we had a welcome meeting and the facilitators all seem ok….not at all cultish. I am determined not to be brainwashed. That would not be good.
The 3rd roomie came up way after bedtime (10.30pm) and it is really weird meeting someone for the first time whilst you are sitting up in bed reading. Val and I, old friends by now, do our best to make her feel welcome but it obvious she (A) is tired and keen to go to sleep. It seems A has arrived by train and bus. The bus had deposited her in the nearest village and A had walked the long and winding road to the house. Before falling asleep she mumbled ‘some man drove by and offered me a lift and I was tempted…then I remembered the prostitutes who were recently murdered in Yorkshire so I said no. Night all’
‘Om Shanti’ V and I said with a wink.
Saturday 12th June
'Look into my eyes'
There was a choice between Meditation and Meditation and Music at 7.30am and opting for the one with music I took my place in a huge airy room with panoramic views of the surrounding countryside. As does my room. My room is simply but tastefully furnished, has a double aspect and the bed is very comfortable. After a good nights sleep I am keen to get started and the meditation and music class does not disappoint. The facilitator, D, is a Japanese man of, I suppose, around 60. He may have been older. Or younger. It is hard to tell. D has the happiest face I have ever seen. He moved playfully and gracefully and we danced and skipped across the room, we stood still, we twisted and stretched and had the best time ever! D, dressed in silky pyjamas, talked to us, made us laugh and lifted our mood. We all floated down to breakfast.
At breakfast V and I got into conversation with two ladies who work together in Kent. M and J, again women in their 50s, told us they had been talked into attending by their manager and had been under the impression it was going to be like a weekend in a health farm with facials and saunas and massages. Boy, are they in for a surprise.
It’s funny the way groups form. V, J, M and I naturally fit together and we went along to the first talk….’The Inside Story’ given by Dr Sarah Eagger.
Dr Sarah Eagger is Chair of the Special Interest Group in Spirituality and Psychiatry at the Royal College of Psychiatrists. She is the medical advisor to the Janki Foundation, promoting a worldwide values-based approach to healthcare. Dr Eagger gave a very worthwhile, interesting presentation and followed it up by leading a wonderful meditation session. Not surprising as she has produced a CD ‘Introducing Meditation for Peace of Mind’. Must send my sister a copy.
After a break for coffee we went off to various interactive ‘Reconnecting with Kindness’ workshops were I was paired up with a guy called T. T is the only man on the retreat and, like me, he has an interest in Buddhism. Unlike me T is loud and confident and he more or less ended up leading the group. Which wasn’t a bad thing…he said lots of sensible stuff. We had to pick a card randomly from a pack, without looking, choosing the one that drew us towards it. Tony drew ‘Confidence’. My card – ‘Detached’ - the equivalent to the Buddhist concept of non attachment- and it read 'Loving without clinging. Involved yet not dependant.’
After lunch we had free time so me and the girls decided to explore the grounds. We had to be careful to stay to the path as we made our way between the fields on the way down to the river. We had been warned about the grumpy old farmer. With ‘you will be OK if you stay on the path’ ringing in our ears we made our way down to the river….where we rehearsed our ‘act’ for this evenings entertainment.
In the information we had been sent the agenda mentioned that Saturday night was entertainment night. It also said ‘come prepared’. I wondered at the time what they meant and this afternoon, at coffee break, I found out. ‘P’, one of the facilitators come up to our table as we were finishing our homemade cookies and, with pencil poised over a sheet of paper, asked us what ‘act’ we were doing for tonight's entertainment. We all blushed, mumbled our apologies and admitted that we were a talentless bunch but we would make an appreciative audience. ‘OK, no pressure’ said P and off she went to the next table. ‘Phew, lucky escape’ someone said. ‘I know, I feel a bit guilty’ I said ‘I really can’t do anything. I can’t sing, dance or play an instrument.’ ‘Nope…us neither’. We all sat looking forlorn for a minute or two. Then I said – for some unknown reason – ‘we could do a comedy sketch’. Like what?’ J asked. ‘Oh I don’t know. Maybe we could pretend that I am an hypnotist and you three could be my ‘plants’ in the audience and I make suggestions and you act them out.’ Before I knew what was happening P was brought back to the table, my name went down on the list as ‘K – Hypnotist Extraordinaire’ and P was asking if we needed any props. Panicking I asked for a tambourine. As I said…what the fuck?
T joined us at lunch and we took him into our confidence about the act. We wanted to trick the audience into thinking it was a serious act to begin with and, after I had made my victims perform as certain farm animals, I was going to attempt a whole room ‘hypnotism’ and get everyone to sing the song ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It’ with a little re working of the lyrics to reflect the ‘Kindness Factor’ and to show our appreciation for the hospitality being extended to us, as by then, hopefully, the audience would be ‘in’ on our joke. T volunteered to become part of the act. He was worried his act, a rendition of Martin Luther Kings ‘I had a dream’ speech wasn’t going to show his comedic side. I could see his point. His idea was that I would call him up on stage and ask him if he knew any impressions. After insisting he didn’t I would look into his eyes, say the magic words and he would do his Frank Spencer impression, which was really very good. Then we would finish with the song. We agreed to do this but I was worried as we had no time to rehearse as we had to rush off to our various creative sessions immediately after lunch. I had put down for drama and it was led by an actress I recognise. I must Google her later as it is driving me mad trying to remember what she was in. It seemed rude to ask.
I found it hard to concentrate on the early evening session ‘The Power of Kindness’ as I was so worried about the bloody act. Having seen the room where it was to happen I was shocked to see a proper stage. And about a hundred bloody seats for the audience. I wanted to go home.
We were on second. The girls and T had spaced themselves out among the audience and I went up nervously when my name was called. Grabbing the tambourine I explained that hypnotism was a misunderstood skill and that I had developed an interest in it when I had used hypnotherapy to enable me to stop smoking. I said that contrary to popular opinion it wasn’t gullible people who made the best subjects of hypnotism but rather it was highly intelligent, strong willed people who found themselves easily put into very pleasant trances. So, I told them, tonight I knew, I was on to a winner. All these faces looked up at me and I could see that they had fell for it….hook, line and sinker! I then reassured them that I would not make anyone do anything embarrassing and they would not ‘come too’ to find themselves out on the lawn, naked, doing the Conga. I explained that when I banged my tambourine they would awake from the trance feeling refreshed - with no memory of what had happened. I then asked them to close their eyes and I did a bit of a meditation talk, asking them to imagine a field etc, until I had them become a cow. ‘Are there any cows in the house tonight? ‘MOOOO, MOOO, MOOO, mooed V, M and J. The audience, at first surprised, began to see the joke. I then described a chicken. ‘Are there any chicken in the house tonight? CLUCK, CLUCK CLUCK said lots of people….they ‘got it’! I then asked for a gentlemen volunteer and up sauntered T who then did a Frank Spencer that brought the house down. And everyone clapped thier hands, stamped their feet and shouted on cue when asked 'if you've had a great weekend shout I HAVE'. Seems I do have the power of suggestion after all! I have not laughed so much in ages.
A Trinidadian woman did a routine with drums, which drew on her upbringing in Trinidad, had me crying with laughter. The two main facilitators delivered jokes like this one:
Psychiatric helpline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
one will answer.
In Ns deadpan brummie accent this was very funny. They told some great social worker jokes too:
‘A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. “Your money or your life!” says the mugger. “I'm sorry,” the social worker answers, “I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life.”
‘Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. “Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten,” he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague: “You know the person that did that really needs help”
There was also poetry readings, singing and dancing. And Ts ‘I had a dream’…which has got to be the best speech ever.
Back in our room A went straight to sleep. V and I listened to the owls and swatted mosquitoes until tiredness overtook us and we fell asleep. I’m in heaven.
Sunday 13th June
Don’t stray from the path
More Meditation with music and D. The man is amazing. They should make badges with his face on. It is the essence of happiness. After breakfast we had a talk from Dr Ruth Sewell ‘From the Inside Out’. Dr Sewell is an holistic psychotherapist and nurse who has specialises in the academic study and teaching of the Intergrated Healthcare and the research of women’s emotional responses to cancer treatment, particularly breast cancer. We learnt some relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. It was blissful. The final session followed this where we shared our thoughts and experience of the weekend and everyone used words like ‘reconnecting’ ‘essence’ ‘inner child’ ‘love’ ‘happiness’ and ‘enlightenment’. We all promised to be kinder to ourselves. Not indulgently but forgivingly. Everyone talked about the laughter. We all said it has been ages since we laughed with such gusto and abandonment. We all talked about the friends we had made. The connections we had made. The hugs we had shared.
I went for a final walk in the grounds so I could take some pictures. I saw another hare, yes, it is definitely a hare. I remember once being inexplicably thrilled to see a terrapin while out on a walk alongside a river. It was sitting on the riverbank basking in the sun. Enjoying the fine weather just like me. I had seen loads in tanks. But seeing one ‘in the wild’ is completely different. Seeing the hare, hearing the owls, eating food grown from the earth at my feet, made a connection for me. A connection a townie like me finds difficult to understand but certainly appreciates.
The BKWSU offered this weekend completely free of charge. It claims part of their role is to offer a helping hand to those who work on the front line, helping vulnerable families. The aim is to nourish the spirit and the body thus enabling them to continue to help others. They certainly did that. Without brainwashing me or even once mentioning the organisation behind the BKWSU.
Today I drove 3 ladies back to London, including the elusive A. ‘You know that man you said offered you a lift that first evening? Did you see him at the retreat?’ I asked her. A thought for a second or two, ‘no, I didn’t! Good job I decided to walk’.
Sometimes it is best to stay on the long and winding road. Short cuts can be dangerous.
Om Shanti
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