Don't Look Back In Anger

According to recent research those in their 50s are happier than any other age group. Just think I have 9 more years of bliss. Then what?
http://www.newstalk.ie/2011/news/2over-50s-are-happiest-says-survey74/

The 50s, certainly for me, is an age of increasing self knowledge.

Spending more time with my parents had led to me remembering more about my childhood and finding out little snippets that fill in gaps and explain why I am as I am.

My poor mum did her best. And in the language of social workers her care was' good enough'. Yet today, during training about giving babies and young children self care skills, I realised that there was very little about my early years that was 'normal'. Apart from the emotional and physical abuse mum didn't really bother with the other mothering duties, like weaning and toilet training. I ate tinned baby food until I was about 7 (unless I was at my grandparents) I slept in the same bed as mum until I was about 10 (she replaced me with my sister who ended up sharing a bed with mum until her teens!) My sister still had a bottle until she was at least 6 or 7. I found out over lunch with my parents last week that mum didn't bother with potty training either. Mum put me in a nursery when I was about 3 or so and the staff there eventually got me out of nappies. I was a clingy, whiny and tearful child and when mum talks about my baby and toddler hood she puts the blame, not on her poor parenting skills, but on me. I was a difficult baby. Everything I did was designed to cause her problems. Life would be so much better if I wasn't around.


Child abuse is more than bruises or broken bones. While physical abuse is shocking due to the scars it leaves, not all child abuse is as obvious. Ignoring children’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, or making a child feel worthless or stupid are also child abuse. Regardless of the type of child abuse, the result is serious emotional harm.


Her words hurt much more than the slaps. But the slaps were so much worse than a smack. So how come I am only slightly fucked up?

Factors Affecting the Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect

Not all abused and neglected children will experience long-term consequences. Outcomes of individual cases vary widely and are affected by a combination of factors, including:



The child's age and developmental status when the abuse or neglect occurred


The type of abuse (physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, etc.)


The frequency, duration, and severity of abuse


The relationship between the victim and his or her abuser (English et al., 2005; Chalk, Gibbons, & Scarupa, 2002)

 Researchers also have begun to explore why, given similar conditions, some children experience long-term consequences of abuse and neglect while others emerge relatively unscathed. The ability to cope, and even thrive, following a negative experience is sometimes referred to as "resilience." A number of protective and promotive factors may contribute to an abused or neglected child's resilience. These include individual characteristics, such as optimism, self-esteem, intelligence, creativity, humor, and independence, as well as the acceptance of peers and positive individual influences such as teachers, mentors, and role models. Other factors can include the child's social environment and the family's access to social supports. Community well-being, including neighborhood stability and access to safe schools and adequate health care, are other protective and promotive factors (Fraser & Terzian, 2005).

Effects of child abuse and neglect



All types of child abuse and neglect leave lasting scars. Some of these scars might be physical, but emotional scarring has long lasting effects throughout life, damaging a child’s sense of self, ability to have healthy relationships, and ability to function at home, at work and at school. Some effects include:


It can lead to unhealthy relationships because the adult doesn’t know what a good relationship is.


Core feelings of being “worthless” or “damaged.” If you’ve been told over and over again as a child that you are stupid or no good, it is very difficult to overcome these core feelings.

Adults may not strive for more education, or settle for a job that may not pay enough, because they don’t believe they can do it or are worth more.

Trouble regulating emotions. Abused children cannot express emotions safely. As a result, the emotions get stuffed down, coming out in unexpected ways.

Thank God I had my wonderful grandfather. His love made up for all that was lacking at home and he relished his role as grandparent. Which is something else that is wonderful about being in your 50s. Grandchilden. Bringers of Joy.